I can’t understand most of what she’s saying, but this still cracks me up.

[Video removed from YouTube for violating the "policy prohibiting content designed to harrass, bully or threaten". Fortunately it has been uploaded on several other sites.]

The British tabloids have already picked up the story, comparing the train girl to Little Britain character “Vicky Pollard”. For my money, train girl is funnier. “No, I’m pretty sure you got a knobber, yuh? … a knobber, yuh? … I said, you got a knobber, yuh? Well then you ain’t no girl, are ya?” You can’t write shit like that.

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RIP Donna Summer

May 17, 2012

“Love to Love You Baby” was on the radio constantly when I was 12. I had no clue what all the groaning was about, but I was intrigued.

Donna Summer came to hate this song and refused to sing it in concert. That’s a shame but understandable. It must have sucked to have fans ask “can I have your autograph, and will you make those orgasm noises for me?” over and over, especially after she became a born-again Christian.

36 years later, this song still blows my mind and gives me a tingly feeling.

RIP Donna Summer.

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Worth Reading

May 16, 2012

Some arousing reads around the web:

‘Hysteria’ and the Long, Strange History of the Vibrator
I’m looking forward to the movie, even though Maggie Gyllenhaal probably used a clitoris double.

Why I Love Weird Porn
An enthusiastic appreciation of DIY kink and hardcore cognitive surplus.

How Do You Tell Your Daughters That You Direct Adult Films?
Director Erika Lust explains in Marie Claire (Spain edition, translated here into English).

I came, I saw, I glittered: Monthly live sex show debuts in the Mission
How does one get a gig as a live sex show reviewer?

Leave Open Marriages Alone
Melysa Martinez disses busybodies at Creative Loafing.

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A few weeks ago, the company that owns the Three Stooges trademark threatened to sue the company that made the porn parody Not the Three Stooges XXX. That lawsuit would lose. The right to make porn parodies, without permission from or payment to the original copyright holders, is protected by a very strong precedent.

This week, lawyers for EL James issued a cease & desist order against Adult Source Media, which recently announced plans to make a hardcore porn version of the novel Fifty Shades of Grey. This legal threat has a better shot. (Disclaimer: Daze is not a lawyer.) Excerpts from the April 24 XBiz article “Adult Source Media to Make XXX Adaption of Fifty Shades of Grey”:

Adult Source Media has announced that its Romance studio, Intimate Encounters, has begun pre-production of a XXX film adaption of the literary sensation, Fifty Shades of Grey.

The film will be a realistic and intimate adaption of E.L. James best-selling erotic novel.

“Women throughout the world are fascinated by Fifty Shades of Grey,” said Adult Source Media President Wendy Crawford. [...] The amazing thing is how I keep getting calls from girlfriends who traditionally are shy about discussing their sex lives, asking me what films they can watch to get a better visual of the story. That’s where Intimate Encounters comes in. This will certainly be the most highly anticipated adult romance film of the year.”

ASM VP of Sales John Amatucci has promised that Intimate Encounters will deliver a “spot on take” of Fifty Shades of Grey, re-creating the sex scenes that have propelled the book to the top of the New York Times and Amazon.com bestsellers lists.

“The feedback we’ve received, is that while women genuinely enjoy the literal aspects of the novel, what really has them intrigued is the incredible sex between the novels main characters Anastasia Steele and Christian Grey, and how that sex can be duplicated and re-created for the screen,” Amatucci said. “And that’s exactly what we are going to give them. In addition to the adult market, our vast network of mainstream retailers & distributors have been begging us to create a soft version, so we will have a version that will be on the retail shelves of every major chain in the country.”

That doesn’t sound like a parody of Fifty Shades of Grey, that sounds like a straight adaptation. The novel is a steamy BDSM romance with explicit sex scenes; the proposed film will be a steamy BDSM romance with explicit sex scenes. ASM execs boxed themselves into a corner by billing their project as a “romance” aimed at the novel’s female readers, and announcing their intent to “duplicate and re-create” the sex scenes in a “spot on take” of the novel. The proposed “soft” “mainstream” cut of the ASM/Intimate Encounters version would presumably be very similar to the inevitable Hollywood adaptation, except with a much lower budget. Where’s the parody element?

ASM execs sound clueless about the legal issues in the latest XBiz article:

Adult Source Media’s legal counsel has responded, reminding the author’s representatives that Adult Source Media’s upcoming project does not violate any intellectual property rights. As explained by ASM’s lawyers, “the naked truth is, the adult film industry is not excluded from the protections of the fair use doctrine.”

Producing a feature-length adaptation of a novel does not fall under “fair use”. If a Hollywood studio wants to make a feature adaptation of a best-selling novel like Twilight, it has to negotiate adaptation rights with the author. On the other hand, if a porn studio wants to make a feature-length XXX version of Twilight with nonstop fucking between pornstars with vaguely gothy makeup and plastic fangs, and they clearly label it “PARODY”, they’re legally in the clear and don’t have to pay Stephanie Meyer a penny.

Would ASM’s proposed film be a protected parody or an unauthorized adaptation? EL James and her lawyers seem to have a pretty good case here. Again, I’m no lawyer and don’t claim to understand all the legal issues at stake.

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Federal prosecutors had failed twice before to convict Ira Isaacs on obscenity counts, but their third try worked. Ira Isaacs Found Guilty on Five Counts of Federal Obscenity.

The charges covered Isaacs’ distribution of four titles — Mako’s First Time Scat, Hollywood Scat Amateurs #7, Hollywood Scat Amateurs #10 and Japanese Doggie 3 Way — through his company Stolen Car Films.

Earlier coverage of Isaacs’ second trial with premature headline: Ira Isaacs Beats The Rap.

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I’d never heard the phrase “gateway sexual activity” before the state of Tennessee declared it verboten in sex ed classes, but it sounds like fun. Here’s how one state legislator there explained it:

“Everybody knows there are certain buttons when you push them, certain switches when you turn them on, there’s no stopping, especially for undisciplined, untrained, untaught and unraised children who just want to feel affection from somebody or anybody.”

The part about pushing buttons and turning on switches definitely sounds like fun.

As for the danger of undisciplined, untrained, untaught and unraised adolescents experimenting with sex, one could make a good argument that disciplining, training, teaching and raising them is a better solution than keeping them as undisciplined, untrained, untaught and unraised as possible.

This whole kerfuffle seems very quaint. The thinking apparently goes, if the government makes it illegal to tell adolescents that sex exists, they’ll never find out. Problem solved. Even before the internet, this was unlikely to work.

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Virgin Bodyguard Brigades: Sacha Baron Cohen v Moammar Qaddafi

May 10, 2012

Sacha Baron Cohen has been making the talk show and red carpet circuit in character as Admiral General Aladeen, complete with a brigade of uniformed virgin bodyguards toting AK-47s. The conceit barely counts as satire, since Moammar Qaddafi did the exact same thing in real life. Call it homage. If anything, Qaddafi’s version was more [...]

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Canadian Customs Caves on Cartoon Kama Sutra

March 26, 2012

Thanks to the efforts of the Comic Book Legal Defense Fund and others, last week brought good news for comics fans, ethical pervs and free speech partisans. Canadian Court Drops Criminal Charges in Manga Customs Case. Ryan Matheson faced criminal child porn charges after Canadian customs agents searched his computer. Comic Book Resources explains: Upon [...]

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Anti-prostitution newspaper editor dies after sex with prostitute

March 23, 2012

Willamette Week (Portland, Oregon, alt-weekly) has a great investigative piece up: A Newsman’s Secret. Short version: Two weeks ago, the 63-year-old editorial page editor of The Oregonian newspaper had a heart attack after sex in a prostitute’s apartment. Over the last decade, his editorial page had published sixteen unsigned editorials denouncing prostitution and advocating harsher [...]

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Ira Isaacs beats the rap

March 8, 2012

The federal obscenity trial of Ira Isaacs ended Tuesday with a hung jury, nearly five years after charges were first filed. Prosecutors can try the case again, but they haven’t announced yet if they will. According to XBiz: Isaacs said jurors were deadlocked 10-2 in favor of finding him guilty. Two of the jurors who [...]

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