The Naked TV Craze

February 24, 2014

If you’ve spent any time aimlessly flipping channels recently, you’ve probably noticed the naked TV show trend. To wit, basic cable reality shows with “Naked” in the title, featuring people walking around naked.

Basic cable apparently has nudity standards looser than the broadcast networks, but tighter than pay cable. Genitals and female nipples have to stay hidden or obscured in some way, but uncensored bare buttocks are acceptable and plentiful. I like butts, so this is right up my alley.

Titillation is obviously a major appeal of these shows. Considering how much better and fuller nudity is viewable online, it seems absurd that glimpses of bare butts and blurred boobs would be a draw. And yet it seems to be working. Works for me, at least — I often find myself watching a few naked minutes before flipping.

The best of the bunch is Naked and Afraid on the Discovery Channel. Each episode follows one naked woman and one naked man attempting to survive 21 days on some uncharted desert isle. The camera crew conveniently shoots them from behind most of the time.

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When the survivors face the camera, the show blurs the naughty bits.

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Discovery Channel sometimes airs repeats under the title Naked and Afraid: Uncensored, hoping to boost viewership with the promise of unblurred boobs and cocks. Don’t be fooled, the “uncensored” episodes are no less censored than the originals. Bastards.

Also on the Discovery Channel is Naked Castaway, in which British adventurer Ed Stafford (the show was originally called Ed Stafford: Naked and Marooned on Discovery Channel UK) attempts to survive alone for 60 days on the uncharted desert isle of Olorua. Despite the title, this show aims less for titillation (it’s just one dude, after all) and focuses more on legit wilderness survival skills. Plus he made himself a nice grass kilt, so he’s not even naked for long.

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Syfy got in the game with Naked Vegas, which demonstrates the art of bodypainting, specifically painting the bodies of women with large breasts. The models usually appear to be wearing flesh-colored pasties and g-strings, though you might wish to check closely for yourself.

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The absolute worst of the bunch is Buying Naked on The Learning Channel. It’s a standard real estate reality show with the twist that each episode’s home-shopping couple are nudists looking for houses in clothing-optional communities. The acting is terrible, the dialogue is terrible, and the overall tone is barf-inducingly coy and cutesy and chipper. The show conceals naked body parts via Austin Powers-style foreground props.

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These naked shows appear to be successful. Critics and prudes have obliged the producers with writeups about how “controversial” and “provocative” the shows are. Daze Reader predicts more naked reality shows following soon, pushing the softcore vibe just a little further.

{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }

Loren March 5, 2014 at 9:22 am

Being quite partial to body painting I find myself liking Naked Vegas.

I do agree that most of them are wearing the minimum under their body paint although in at least one case that’s not true because they had to blur a nipple in one of the final shots. There is no question that you’re not actually going to see any naughty bits on this show.

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HMS March 25, 2014 at 11:41 pm

See my review of the hapless Zausch in Naked and Afraid, Episode 2 in my post My Latest Guilty Pleasure.

But better, join us as one of our Authors in Alexandria.

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Accompagnatrice Torino April 11, 2014 at 9:27 am

Wow…I don’t really like neither Naked Castaway, nor Buying Naked…They’re terrible, but I agree with Loren, I appreciate so much Naked Vegas!

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