Farewell to the Saints Row Dildo Bat

Videogame Saints Row: The Third introduced a new weapon known as the “dildo bat” or “the penetrator”. A Saints Row wiki helpfully explains that it’s “a melee weapon constructed from a metre-long dildo attached to a handle of a baseball bat. The Penetrator can be acquired by buying it at Friendly Fire, from the mascots in the medium/hard levels of Professor Genki’s Super Ethical Reality Climax activities on the central island, or as a reward for completing the mission ‘Return to Steelport’.”

jason-rubin-thq-purple-dildo-bat-penetrator Like much in the Saints Row series, the dildo-as-weapon idea was lifted from the Grand Theft Auto series. However, the dildos in GTA: San Andreas were normal-sized, usable as weapons or as gifts for a girlfriend in the dating missions, while the Saints Row dildos were really long and attached to baseball bats.

Gaming conglomerate THQ made replicas of the huge purple dildo bat. Sadly, THQ has gone bankrupt. Last week company president Jason Rubin tweeted “Not leaving @thq without my personal effects” along with this image. Sic transit gloria mundi.

Maybe the company that bought the rights will make Saints Row 4 and keep the dildo bat. For now, this feels like farewell and time for an affectionate look back.