Animal Sex Roundup

Strange happenings around the wild kingdom …

National Geographic shocker: Hostile Female Spiders Eat Males Before Mating.

For many spiders, mating is a risky proposal. Not only are they exposed to predators while in the act, but copulation can end when the female eats the male. […]

New observations reveal that some females don’t even wait for mating to begin before they start snacking on their mates. Called pre-copulatory sexual cannibalism, this behavior occurs in about 10 to 15 percent of spider species, including the burrowing wolf spider.

[…] New research shows that violent female spiders tend to attack males more often than easygoing females.

That last bit seems tautological. Wouldn’t predisposition to cannibalism be part of the definition of “violent”?

Meanwhile, Wired informs us about deadly animal sex in Australia that sounds lots more fun: This Marsupial Has Marathon Sex Until It Goes Blind and Drops Dead.

A tiny hyperactive marsupial called antechinus sprints around mating almost non-stop for an exhausting three weeks, with single romps lasting as long as 14 straight hours.

Males relentlessly bound from partner to partner, as massive hormone releases in their bodies cause their immune systems to crash and their fur to fall out. They bleed internally. Some males even go blind, yet still stumble around the leaf litter hoping for one last tryst. In a few short weeks, every single male lies dead, leaving the females to raise their offspring.

Blind, bloody, furless and dead doesn’t sound appealing, but most guys can probably relate. Wired calls antechinus sex “one of nature’s most striking manifestations of the true meaning of life”, which is pretty cynical even for Daze.

Dateline Paris — Artist guilty of exhibitionism after dancing with cockerel tied to his penis.

Wearing platform shoes and an outlandish costume including feathers on his fingers and a headdress made of a stuffed pheasant, he danced for 10 minutes with his penis attached to the rooster, before police intervened.

“What I did was art [that] had nothing to do with sexuality,” he told the court, adding that no one – even a group of passing nuns – had complained about the performance.

So what was the cockerel-cock performance art about then? The article doesn’t say. A criminal court found the artist guilty of “sexual exhibitionism” (really? that’s a crime in Paris?) but imposed no penalty.

Dateline Switzerland — Campaigners say Swiss bunny girl advert ‘promotes animal sex’.

An advert for a Swiss shopping centre that features a g-string superimposed onto a rabbit has been criticised for “promoting animal sex” by campaigners.

Daniel Bader from a Swiss animal protection group told the Tages Anzeiger newspaper: “From our point of view, the respect of the rabbit has been badly damaged.”

Why are there so many humorless twits in the ethical treatment of animals movement? Please no one tell this guy about cheezburgers and the poor oppressed cats who can’t haz them.