Thursday, February 4, 2010

The new issue of LOVE magazine has eight different covers showing eight supermodels posing nude (with gray bars photoshopped over nipples and cooters).

For those who don't know your supermodels cold, the octet consists of Kate Moss, Naomi Campbell, Amber Valletta, Lara Stone, Natalia Vodianova, Daria Werbowy, Jeneil Williams and Kristen McMenamy.

Editor-in-chief Katie Grand explained to Vogue, "For this issue of LOVE, we took eight women who are generally acknowledged as the most beautiful in the world, got them to show off their bodies -- widely regarded as the most perfect in the world -- and photographed them all in exactly the same position for the cover."

"We did this to show how much they differed physically from one another, which is why we also printed their measurements. The point is that 'perfection' is not fixed, timeless or transcendent. It varies, as the measurements of our cover girls show."

To my eye, their bodies range from tall and skinny to taller and skinnier, but we'll give them points for lip service.

British intelligence officials warn that radical Islamic terrorists may try concealing explosives in breast or butt implants as airport security gets stricter. MI5 reportedly picked up "chatter" about new bomb concealment techniques on terrorist websites after the failed underwear bomber incident on Christmas.

International security issues can be complicated, so let's get an expert opinion. KABC-TV in Los Angeles asked a Beverly Hills plastic surgeon if breast implant bombs were a realistic threat.

"It seems like these days, any of these things could really happen," said Beverly Hills plastic surgeon Dr. Stuart Linder. He specializes in body sculpting. He says the idea of silicone implants that could be injected with powerful liquid explosives is not only possible, but plausible.

"The consideration that a silicone-gel implant could be placed in a woman's body with an explosive internal device is something that is considerably possible," said Linder.

Goddamn terrorists ruin everything. On top of everything else, now we have to worry that big boobs might kill us.

Los Angeles County announced that it will not require condom use in porn production. County officials gave two reasons: (1) it's the state legislature's responsibility to pass a law requiring condom use, and (2) regulating the porn industry would be way too hard.

"It is very, very difficult to implement. There are roughly 200 production companies with about . . . 1,200 actors," said Dr. Jonathan Fielding, the county's public health chief. "All you need is a room and a camera and a bed, basically, to do this kind of shoot, and we have no ability to police this."

Fielding said it would be difficult for public health officials to prove if the movies were produced in L.A. County or elsewhere because producers often do not apply for filming licenses. [...]

Supervisor Zev Yaroslavsky, whose district includes the San Fernando Valley, [said] "I think the only answer to this at the end of the day is a statewide approach to this, which would also empower law enforcement, and you run sting operations," he said. "All you've got to do is make one or two arrests and the rest of the . . . industry will understand pretty quickly that there's a risk."

After one unidentified porn performer tested positive for HIV last summer, the AIDS Healthcare Foundation has been pressuring LA County to require condom use in porn under the county's existing public health and occupational safety guidelines. The county has resisted taking any action against the porn industry, and this week's announcement makes it official.

It's unlikely the California state legislature will take any action either. Regulating an industry implies approval of the industry, and no politician wants his or her name on the "porn is OK" bill. Thus laissez-faire will prevail in porn valley for the foreseeable future.

Monday, February 1, 2010

The latest issue of Medical Hypotheses includes an article by John Zenian entitled "The role of sexual intercourse in the etiology of carpal tunnel syndrome". Zenian suggests that sex may cause of repetitive stress injury: "Sexual intercourse can explain the increase in the overall incidence of carpal tunnel syndrome seen in recent years, since it is the most widely practiced activity that uses both hands at the same time".

Most widely practiced, if you're lucky.

Since the academic journal has "Hypotheses" in its title, Zenian's claim might be speculative. The article doesn't mention any hard evidence, just correlations that might point to a link.

Among the foods rumored to have aphrodisiac properties, pork rarely makes the list. Oysters, chocolate, sure -- but pork?

In a televised speech last week, Argentina's president Cristina Fernandez said, "I've just been told something I didn't know; that eating pork improves your sex life ... I'd say it's a lot nicer to eat a bit of grilled pork than take Viagra." She added a personal testimonial, dishing how she recently ate barbecued pork with her husband and "things went very well that weekend, so it could well be true."

Explaining the bizarre plug, Reuters reports, "Argentines are the world's biggest per capita consumers of beef, but the government has sought to promote pork as an alternative in recent years due to rising steak prices and as a way to diversify the meat industry."

Daze Reader has never noticed pork's libido-enhancing or erection-enabling effects, but we love both good barbeque and good sex, so what the hell. We do support brushing your teeth between the barbeque and the sex.

Sunday, January 31, 2010

Last week the Culpeper County Public Schools in Virginia dropped The Diary of a Young Girl: The Definitive Edition by Anne Frank from its eighth-grade reading list, to be replaced by the old bowdlerized version. The decision came after a parent complained the book was too sexually explicit. By Friday, after widespread condemnation and mockery, school district officials backtracked and claimed the decision was still pending.

Anne Frank's father edited out 30% of her original diary when it was first published in 1947. The Anne Frank Foundation published the complete, uncensored version in 1995, fifty years after the author's death in a concentration camp.

Here's the offending "explicit" passage, in which Anne Frank writes of exploring her own vagina.

There are little folds of skin all over the place, you can hardly find it. The little hole underneath is so terribly small that I simply can’t imagine how a man can get in there, let alone how a whole baby can get out!

Popehat ran an excellent commentary on the incident, under one of the greatest blog post titles I've ever had the privilege to link to: You Know Who Else Disapproved of Anne Frank’s Vagina? HITLER.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Based on my "watch instantly" queue, Netflix infers that I like "dark biographical dramas". Who would have guessed that Che and Caligula belong to the same genre?

In addition to Donnie Brasco and Jarhead, Netflix thinks I might like the Joan of Arc biopic with Milla Jovovich.

Monday, January 11, 2010

I enjoy checking out the "blind item" gossip blogs now and then, though my pop culture awareness is usually not strong enough to play the guessing games. Crazy Days and Nights, written by an anonymous LA entertainment lawyer, presented this kinky blind item about a baseball player last Friday.

At a recent photo session for an editorial in GQ, this former major league all star and still pretty decent player replaced a golfer who has had some recent issues and could no longer make it. Yes, it is who you think it is. At the shoot, our baseball player was hitting on the model he was posing with and used the following line. "I love to drink my own c*m." Yes, he actually did say it. The makeup artist who overheard the line dropped her supplies when she heard it.

CDaN offers further hints about famous women this ballplayer has dated in the past. Most common guesses in the comments: Derek Jeter, Brad Penny, Carl Pavano and Barry Zito.

Now there's nothing wrong with loving to drink your own cum. In my tenure as self-appointed internet sexpert, I've come across much stranger and squickier stuff.

But using "I love to drink my own cum" as a pickup line? That's just weird.

Saturday, January 9, 2010

Amazing find at JONNO (dot com): a menu from Mrs. F.A. Tasse’s “Capacious Capsulation Parlors”, an old New Orleans brothel.

I'll have the Pinkey's Special, please.

Friday, January 8, 2010

Funny penis scare story for the day: Man's penis removed from pipe.

Medics at Southampton General Hospital could not get the man's penis out of the stainless steel pipe because the restricted blood flow had caused it to become aroused.

The firefighters used the four-and-a-half-inch grinder to cut the pipe from around the man's penis and it took about 30 minutes.

The patient was given an anaesthetic and his penis was left bruised and swollen but otherwise unharmed.

The Telegraph article does not record the man's answer to the obvious question (which he must have been asked several times during the ordeal), "How the hell did you get your penis stuck in that stainless steel pipe?" Not that there's much mystery how it happened.

Neato Susannah Breslin slideshow at The Frisky: The Top 10 Most Amazing Vaginas.

---

Blog Archives:
Jan 31 - Feb 6
Jan 10 - Jan 16
Jan 3 - Jan 9
Aug 23 - Aug 29
Aug 16 - Aug 22
Archive Directory